“Hindi naman ako umaasa eh. Alam ko namang suntok sa buwan.”
I remember saying this to a confidant while waiting for medico-legal test results of fellow young activists who were bloodied in a scuffle with anti-riot cops near Mendiola last week. I could still remember the faces of those policemen who violently dispersed a youth protest against Macapagal-Arroyo’s all-out war policy. They were wielding their arnis sticks in all directions and did not even care whoever they hit or whatever part of the body they’re actually whacking…parang hangin lang ang pinapalo.
As everyone was starting to run for safety, I received a text, “Kmusta yng mob? Ok k lang?” For a moment, I forgot that I was in the middle of a street battle (actually, I was in the service jeep). We’ve been textmates for quite sometime now. I’ve known the person since 2003, but we were just acquaintances then.
Iyong isang kaibigan ko naman talaga ang malapit sa kanya (at sa katunayan ay nagkagusto pa sa kanya.) Hindi ko talaga siya kilala at nitong huli ko na lamang siya nakausap at nakakwentuhan ng matagal nung nagpunta ako sa lugar nila. Tahimik kasi siya. Hindi pala-kibo, para bang nasa loob ang kulo. Ika nga, mahirap ‘i-spell-engin.’
Hindi naging mahirap para sa kanya na magbukas ng kanyang mga saloobin sa panahon na naroroon ako sa kanila, bagay na higit na nakapagpalapit sa aming dalawa. Mahirap at malungkot ang buhay niya bilang isang aktibista doon, lalo pa’t nakaamba lagi ang panganib na baka siya na ang panibagong istatistika na itatala ng Karapatan. Sa harap ng lahat ng panganib at sakripisyo ng pinili niyang landas, tanging ang kanyang mga prinsipyo at adhikain para sa makabuluhang pagbabago ang nagsisilbing inspirasyon para magpatuloy. Kaya naman itinuturing ko siya bilang isang huwaran ng katatagan at matibay na paninindigan.
Same as the weather, my head is a bit cloudy right now. Some many questions are lingering in my mind. Kaibigan mo siya di ba? I know…but…sigh.
Nung Sabado kami huling nagkita, sa SM North. Kumain lang kami, nagkwentuhan, tapos dapat uuwi na siya sa kanila dahil wala pa raw siyang tulog. Ngunit siguro kakapilit ko at dahil gusto rin naman niya, nanood muna kami ng Superman Returns.
Natulog lang siya sa sinehan sa unang bahagi ng palabas. Hindi ko na ginising kasi alam ko pagod siya, pero napanood din naman niya iyong mga maaaksyong mga eksena nung gitna at huling bahagi.
Hinatid ko siya hanggang sa sakayan ng bus sa Annex, sandaling nagkwentuhan sa bangketa hanggang sa sumakay na siya ng bus. “Kailan ko kaya siya uli makikita?” bulong ko sa sarili. Di puno yung bus kaya madali siyang nakahanap ng upuan. Bago tuluyang umalis, tumingin siya sa akin at itinaas ang kanyang kamao sabay ngiti.
Magkahalong tuwa at pangamba ang aking nadama. Tuwa dahil sa buong maghapong kami’y magkasama; ngunit pangamba rin na baka iyon na ang aming huling pagkikita.
I fear for this person’s life, just as I fear my own and for the lives of fellow activists and friends everyday. These are dangerous times for activists and critics of the current regime.
“Sabihin mo sa kanya,” my confidant said. But I hesitated. I know one wrong move and it could mean the end of our friendship.
Maybe there are things that are not meant to happen (because we choose not to make it happen). Or maybe, it’s just a matter of timing.
Tignan na lang natin sa SONA.
As of July 11, 2006, 704 individuals were summarily executed, 299 of whom were activists since Macapagal-Arroyo began her term as president in 2001. A total of 181 individuals have become victims of enforced disappearance, including UP students Karen Emepeno and Sherlyn Cadapan who were allegedly abducted by military intelligence operatives last month in Bulacan.*
Mrs. Arroyo recently declared an all-out war against communist rebels, alloting an extra P1 billion for the intensified counter-insurgency campaign.
* Data from Karapatan's Human Rights Bulletin